Twiggy_Fritz
read my profile
sign my guestbook

Visit Twiggy_Fritz's Xanga Site!

Name: aly
Gender: Female


Message: message me


Member Since: 10/5/2008

SubscriptionsSites I Read
skinny_desiree
princesslinn
ez_luckyfree
x3nonfat_latte
ineedyounow_x
jaimexlovesyou
raynestormy
Rainbow_Raine
datingish@datingish
lovepurplexx
perfectly_fragile_x
thinspod
xueyo
goingtogethere
SmallAndHumble
DieingToBThin
zombie_chef
CrystalCanDoThat
diamond_x
sarahsosilly
x_kewari_x
yoitsamber
Skinny_Happi
skinny585
Skinny_Always_In
fab_thinspo
littlenake
bringhunterthehorizon
iwillloveyoutoday
linea_little
AThinMission
Iamgettingby
halfxpint
factoryGIRL06
baltikwaif
need_skinny
wastedyouth_thinspo
alicexdoll
fforeveryoung
little_lambs_eat_ivy
Betseyj22
AliceSays
Thinpassion_xx
jjust4me159
thin_fashion
delicate_bone
foreverdiet
tightblackjeans
growlzykinzer
supersized345
thin_tiny_eLLa
alesssandra
monochromefuture
barethinspiration
greenisin637
UserNameHere
justcoffeeplease
imma_cow
ayumix2000
Its_A_Habit_10
xxGlitterInHerVeins
SkinnyLittleKitty
skinny_l0vee
xfriendlythinspox
chastewaist
lovexlaughxlife
dustoftheday
x_eudaimonia_x
glamourvs
KDDC2010
marji89
lovemeprettyx3
dandyliongrass
sophieslastletter
society_ana
Kaiti18
thinkthinbthin
anamia__princess
lioness_ariel
morganaversace
gw99lbs
kelsbabbyy
anticipatingsequins
goesonforever
louiecullen
thesaturatedpolice
myohmy03
skinnyb1tch618
LiveTheSkinny
frame_me_fragile
SexxxyLoser
girl_misunderstood9507
elle_aime_maigrir_xxx
anorexicbeautyqueenxxx
missbonesxxx
TheFastingChallenge
Jhoward58
ellie_ellie_ellie
BeautyxKills55
deadd__disco
k_i_s_s__m_e
citizensofstarvation
FeckThisShiet
megabella
Amanda_Fernandez
ivy_league_thin
adrianadaryski
AchieveThin
a_simultaneous_release
xletmeshinex
SkinnyGirlsaysWhat
barbie_doll_skinny
dasani_keeps_me_going
Ally____xoxo
x3tinyy_dancer
meltandglow
Beautyandthe_scale
emme1984
CollarBoneKiss
anamook
FitTips
cupcake_melodrama
RayeOfLight91
onewaybeauty
featuredweblogs
TheXangaTeam

Groups Blogrings (10 of 18)
cigarettes and coffee
previous - random - next

indie skinny.
previous - random - next

Coked-out Glam Skinny
previous - random - next

Refuse the Food
previous - random - next

Tiny Bodies Thinspo
previous - random - next

5'2'' and Under
previous - random - next

No Thanks, I'm Not Hungry
previous - random - next

i get high off hunger.
previous - random - next

AIM Eating Disorder Support
previous - random - next

I Want 2 Look Like MaryKate Olsen
previous - random - next

View all groupsblogrings

Posting Calendar

|<< oldest | newest >>|
view all weblog archives

Get Involved!

Suggest a link

Recommend to friend

Create a site


Monday, October 17, 2011

day one of (trying)

i know i have it in me to be strong. day one of trying (for him) because i know trying (for me) won't get me anywhere anymore.

thinspo if i make it through the day. updates later. xx

 edit:

I actually did it.

I ate enough not to drive myself insane & enough not to feel guilty. I remember leaving work and actually feeling "free" for once i was not thinking about going home to purge or to the store to buy food to binge on my ride home. it was nice. it was only for a little while. but tasting freedom had me imagining what life could be like if i could stop be bulimic altogether. i know i shouldn't get too excited it was only day, who knows what tomorrow brings. just kinda nice to actually be in a good mood for once.

what i ate:

greek yogurt (155)

banana (90)

brown rice (108) w/ veggies (80)

apple (60)

dried apricots (130)

hot chocolate (120)

Total: 743

I'm not too mad at the numbers since most of it was healthy & i ran 5 miles (-400) this morning. time for bed. stay strong lovelies.


Sunday, October 16, 2011

depressed

i've been so depressed lately. i miss college. i miss my friends. i just miss how easy it was to meet new people. i've been lonely before - tons of times. times when i didn't have my boyfriend - my everything. how did i cope? i guess i was just oblivious. i ignored all those feelings of lonliness. i had mia she was my best friend. so comforting, yet my worst enemy. she controlled everything i did. somehow i began to overcome her a little at a time. i didnt think so much about the calories or the snacks or eating only veggies. i felt normal - i felt real. then i started gaining weight & suddenly i felt fat, i felt lost, and worthless and ugly. i did not feel normal. i became self conscience all over again. my boyfriends sees it so much. when i asked him if i've changed since we've been together (almost 10 months) he said i'm more self conscience and i hate it.

last month we had our first fight. & i think i had a lot to do with it. its in the past but i always think about it in the back of my mind- how i almost lost him. we've moved on but i know things aren't the same as they were in the beginning. i wonder if this is what everyone talks about. i wonder if we'll ever get back there. he still makes me the happiest girl, but i know this ed, this depression brings him down. he doesn't know about mia. i almost told him last night but i couldn't thats not something that ever goes over well. he wouldn't understand & i dont want him to think of me as the girl who bends over the toilet & pukes after every meal. i want him to love being around me again. i want to be happy again. ugh how do i be happy again when im so alone?

im falling into mia's trap again. i spent this weekend binging and purging. oh, i know i don't want to go down that road again. i just want to feel the comfort that lacks when he's not around :(

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i know i don't want to really be bulimic again - vomiting 3 or 4x a day, being scared to wake up just to repeat the cycle. i want to have a control - i'm so close to turning everything around. i have to start restricting, i can be ana again, i once was so long ago. tmrw i can turn this around.

 


Saturday, October 15, 2011

bad day

so today wasn't a great Saturday. my boyfriend said he was going to stop by before he had to go to work. Literally that was my only motivation to get out of bed this morning. He ended up not having time. I was disappointed and cried a little bit. those are moments when i realize how much of my self i've lost lately, i never would have cried over something as small as that. i talked to my best friend from home on the phone today about how depressed i've been and feel so alone since i have no friends in boston anymore.

oh, i binged & purged but that was expected. i just don't have any energy to anything. like trying to clean is so hard. ugh. in my head i have so many things that need to get done but i don't have the energy for it.

i've been thinking of doing a detox lately. like a veggie juice detox. my skin has been such shit & i've been picking the crap out of my face. way to make myself more self conscience. (ugh oh, is this me "snowballing" like my bf always says? probably).but i also want to have energy to run - i usually try to get in 5 miles before work in the morning. anyone know of any good veggie detox recipes that wont leave me energy-less? or maybe i'll just eat a good breakfast, run & then detox the rest of the day? idk so confusing. i'm going to have to make some sort of plan, but i'm known to never stick to anything.

for lunch at work, i was thinking about going to the library since i get an hour so my coworkers wouldn't notice, plus i hate socializing with them anyways. (i'm 22 & their all over 30 at least)

i'm really not as anti social as i sound, it just hard to meet people when your not in college anymore.

some inspiration for y'all.

 

 

 

 

 


the snowball effect

I hate when my boyfriend tell me I routinely "snowball" everything. Like if one bad thing in my life is happening, I have to think of five others to make myself stressed & feel like complete shit. I hate it because he's right. i wonder if i'll ever get to that place where im truly happy - with my life & with my body. i don't want to be that person who destroys us.

 

it's 1pm haven't decided if today's going to be a good day or a bad day yet.

i miss those sunday good days. idon'twanttobebulimicanymore. there i said it. HELP.

 

 

 


Friday, October 14, 2011

i don't even know why i'm bulimic anymore...

binging doesn't make me happy anymore.

from recovery --> relapse --> recovery etc. i've just gotten fat

i've lost all my previous friends & have no motivation to meet anyone new. i'm too tired to hang out aka i need to try to throw up everything i ate at work even though its prbly digested already.

i wonder how many times i've seen those horrible numbers on the scale and if i'll ever see those good ones again. and if im going to have to go down that trecherous road to get there again.

how many times i've clutched the toilet seat promising myself it was the last time.

i feel so disoriented trying to grasp how i want to feel. do i want to feel normal? then i recover. but is fat normal?? freak out. back to my ed. all i really want is to feel skinny again. i've just lost all control. i envy girl with balance.

i want to be balance. and happy again. and skinny. i want to smile a real smile. that skinny girl smile.

 



Next 5 >>

+Sub Private Claf Layout
// // ?2004 EasterEgg // // For use at Xanga only. // // While the date in your blogheader has a fixed format // (e.g. "Tuesday, March 16, 2004") you may want to use // another date format, accustomed to *your* preferences. // This script enables you to apply pretty much any date // format to your blogheader you like. // // Here's how it works: // The script collects all blogheaders and applies to them // a format you define by changing the value of the variable // "dateFormatStr" in the code below. Currently that value is // set to 'ddd, mm/dd/yy', which will result in a date that // looks like this: 'Tue, 03/16/04'. If you want to use slashes // instead of divisions as date separators, go right ahead; you // can even add HTML to the date format string if you like! // // ================= // listing of available constants (using the date // "Tuesday, March 16, 2004" as an example): // // dd = 16 // ddd = Tue // dddd = Tuesday // // mm = 03 // mmm = Mar // mmmm = March // // yy = 04 // yyyy = 2004 // // ================= // // You can use any combination of the above constants. Examples: // // 'mm/dd/yyyy' will result in '03/16/2004' // 'mmm dd, yy' will result in 'Mar 16, 04' // 'mm-dd-yy (dddd)' will result in '03-16-04 (Tuesday)' // '{ ddd, mmm dd, yyyy }', will result in '{ Tue, Mar 16, 2004 }' // // Get the general idea? // // Copy this entire code and paste it in the webstats box of your // Look and Feel page. // // You're free to use this script as long as this comment remains // intact. Future modifications allowed if due credit is given. // function formatEntryDate() { // ***** adjust the dateFormatStr below as you see fit // =================================================== dateFormatStr = 'Blogging on ddd, mm/dd/yy'; // =================================================== function getMonthNr(sMonth) { months = new Array( "Jan","Feb","Mar","Apr","May","Jun","Jul","Aug","Sep","Oct","Nov","Dec"); for (var n = 0; n < months.length; ++n) { if (months[n] == sMonth) { if ( n + 1 < 10) return '0' + (n + 1).toString() else return (n + 1).toString(); } } } allDivs = document.getElementsByTagName('div'); for (var i = 0; i < allDivs.length; ++i) { if (allDivs[i].className == 'blogheader') { newDateFormat = dateFormatStr; // day entryDate = allDivs[i].innerHTML; dayLong = entryDate.substr(0, entryDate.indexOf(',')); // dddd dayShort = dayLong.substr(0, 3); // ddd tempStr = entryDate.substr(dayLong.length + 1); dayNr = tempStr.substr(tempStr.indexOf(',') - 2, 2); // dd newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('dddd', dayLong); newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('ddd', dayShort); newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('dd', dayNr); // month monthLong = tempStr.substr(1, tempStr.indexOf(',') - 3);// mmmm monthShort = monthLong.substr(0, 3); // mmm monthNr = getMonthNr(monthShort); // mm newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('mmmm', monthLong); newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('mmm', monthShort); newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('mm', monthNr); // year yearLong = tempStr.substr(tempStr.indexOf(',') + 2); // yyyy yearShort = yearLong.substr(2); // yy newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('yyyy', yearLong); newDateFormat = newDateFormat.replace('yy', yearShort); allDivs[i].innerHTML = newDateFormat; } } } formatEntryDate();